The start, middle & a pause

When did it all begin? When will it end?
I know not, all I am, struggling and juggling. To sail against the tide.
Tired with instability, randomness, and the uncertain.
Seeking an instant harmony. That moment of glory I can float in.
A thought I hardly understand. Not a second thought.
Am I the one that evolution is proud of?
I doubt with my gaze stooping, my intelligence drowning in shame.
Every vein of mine, cracking, to this chaos that I cant fathom.
I slowed down, finally, responding to my inner voice.
Still, like a log, I floated and I saw that what was there to see
The world that was ruled by the hidden harmony of confusion
There was light after darkness. Everything that passed by came by in a different form. Set in a new space and time. I thought I had out-grown with time. But hardly had I learnt and its time to unlearn
I had crossed that wave with all my might just to meet a new one
Disappointed I look at the laws of nature
I start all over again. My inhibitions left far behind, on my way.
The clock goes tick-tick-tick and I am short of breath, I loose all
Had I slowed down to let myself feel this bit
I would have been excused of all the guilt and pain, I once held to
How can I deny the minimal pleasures of pain that I once scorned at?
Days and night passed, memories faded. I sowed and reaped
I cried and laughed, I was happy and sad but never did I see
What I always saw, The Opposites. Turn by turn, I let go and I hold on.
Nowhere to be seen, unless I want to see it, the way it really works.
Spinning this wheel of confusion in harmony, I sailed, motionless.