a mere reflection

As unique as you are

I proudly called myself a photographer, when I first held the camera in my hands. That was the early 90s, when mama wanted me to be a doctor and not a photographer. She would get furious, when I would ask her to get the rolls developed every now and then...it was a costly affair thosedays. As a kid, capturing moments in that small box amused me.

Today, I am drawn to photography for various other reasons. Now, I not just capture a moment, but a frame that has a subject and a background that creates a meaning in itself.

Once, I was rushing down the stairs with the camera hung around my neck, to get myself an ice cream, and I fell over. The camera broke into pieces and, my exploration into the world of images met an abrupt end. That was the last time when I held the camera. My mom got a good reason not to get it repaired. She was being fair, and I had to abide by her. Left with no choice I forgot that I had once called myself a photographer.

In times of trouble, I remember papa saying,

All good things come back to you, have patience

His words came true and in 2004 I got a chance to hold the camera again. It was a Manual SLR camera which I had never seen before. It was bulky, ugly, and too technical. It also had a lens mounted on top of it. I was annoyed with so much physics attached with it. My math is poor and I never understood physics. Words like focal length, aperture, and shutter speeds, ISO settings, Depth of Field, hit my head hard and wounded my dreams. I cannot learn photography - that was my first reaction. I tried to keep up with all the physics half-heartedly and ignoring the disastrous results. I latched on, till I noticed something about photography.

A bunch of students were asked to shoot the same subject. I was also a part of it. After the shoot, I saw that the output was surprisingly distinct. Each one of us had a difference in the way they looked at the subject.

Every frame is as unique as you are

What I thought (subtracting technical details) was significant was of the greatest importance. This is when I realized that the technique and the settings can be learnt by anyone. But, what really makes a photograph unique, is your perspective.

Realizing that, my approach has changed and my photographs stand out among the rest. Ever since, I trailed on my path to be a photographer once again.

Each time I click a picture, I learn a something new. Maybe not just about the camera, but also, about myself. With experience and practice comes confidence. Learning is an on-going process. Gone are the days when photography was considered technical. The digital era has made photography simpler. The camera is intelligent enough to help you make the settings (Auto-mode).

What you need is an idea that tells a story. For me, photography is a mirror I see myself in. Every frame is a reflection of my perspective about life and my photographs a collage of my experiences. My photography defines my thought and my thought defines my photography; the colors that are predominant in my composition explain the facets of my mood.

God is in the details and photography a medium to showcase these details

Photography is simple.

Unexpected errors

Confidence is a sign of growth, while over confidence is the reason for most of the unexpected errors of our life.

Who does not like compliments?

I wake up to the morning light and walk up to my mirror and look at myself. My mind spells the magic words every woman loves to hear,

I am so beautiful.

I am lost in the moment and my favorite cell phone rings (usually) at the wrong time. I rush and I hear my man talking from the other side. I am half distracted and I hardly even listen to him. I hang up and I walk back to the mirror. The mirror smiles at me having me back. Who minds the company of a woman?
I shrug off, its time to show the world how beautiful I am. I get into the best outfit and the heels I bought just to match it right. All possible touch-ups to make myself look,The Modern Cinderella in town. I pose for the last time in front of the mirror.

Yes ! I look absolutely stunning and perfect (I murmur)

All the effort in front of the mirror has paid off well. The phone rings but this time its an unknown number. Never mind I am all set to talk (communicate) to the person calling. An old friend has remembered me on this beautiful day when I am feeling like a newborn and looking so good. I would love to sound good too.
Yes, who is this?
Oh! (Surprised) Yeah, I remember,it has been long since you called (I dont even remember him properly). Striking a conversation with someone you knew long back gets a little tough (Grrr). I manage the talk quite well like I carry off my high heels that adorn my feet.
I am expecting the man I love to confirm what I just saw in the mirror. I walk towards the glass door, I check myself for the last time and I walk in like a princess. He knows I was the one walking in; he turns and looks at my feet and then me. I am conscious and try to look sensuous, trying to flaunt myself (hardly do I know how to look sensuous, need to check The Cosmopolitan. How embarrassing?) I am waiting to hear the magic words.
Aah! I am tired; I try to walk across to move his gaze. He seems undisturbed and looks straight into my eyes. I am in a sheer state of despair; I calm down and look for a place to settle myself.

These dont fit your feet and this colour hardly suits you.

Outrageous! My heart broke into a million pieces. The morning spell was over and it is time to come to my senses. I was devastated, and I wanted to flee from there right away.

When I think about this incident in my life, I laugh at myself for being so stupid. Every woman has this innate desire to be loved, wanted, and accepted. Well who does not like compliments? Every one does and its genuine. I believe that appreciation is a form of motivation. Beauty and woman go hand in hand so woman want to look good. They try to look perfect but they forget their real self. In order to be accepted they tend to ape other women who are wanted by most of us. But we fail to understand that simplicity is beauty and who cares about the exterior beauty that will fade with time but the inner self that is not visible to everyone is what matters. If someone recognizes that inner self (beauty) of yours, he has touched your soul.
How long can you look at a flower, you will get blinded after a while but the fragrance (the essence of the flower) lingers in your mind forever.
Beauty is fleeting, why chase it when you cant hold on to it forever.
Every one of us has an individuality that we define and none can ape the grace that we own. Is there a need to fit into the clothes that are in fashion? Is there a need to speak slangs that you hardly understand? Is there a need for touch-ups that will be washed away in sweat making you look pompous?
I wish I had realized all this long back I would have saved so much time. I learnt it the hard way, I guess.

The start, middle & a pause

When did it all begin? When will it end?
I know not, all I am, struggling and juggling. To sail against the tide.
Tired with instability, randomness, and the uncertain.
Seeking an instant harmony. That moment of glory I can float in.
A thought I hardly understand. Not a second thought.
Am I the one that evolution is proud of?
I doubt with my gaze stooping, my intelligence drowning in shame.
Every vein of mine, cracking, to this chaos that I cant fathom.
I slowed down, finally, responding to my inner voice.
Still, like a log, I floated and I saw that what was there to see
The world that was ruled by the hidden harmony of confusion
There was light after darkness. Everything that passed by came by in a different form. Set in a new space and time. I thought I had out-grown with time. But hardly had I learnt and its time to unlearn
I had crossed that wave with all my might just to meet a new one
Disappointed I look at the laws of nature
I start all over again. My inhibitions left far behind, on my way.
The clock goes tick-tick-tick and I am short of breath, I loose all
Had I slowed down to let myself feel this bit
I would have been excused of all the guilt and pain, I once held to
How can I deny the minimal pleasures of pain that I once scorned at?
Days and night passed, memories faded. I sowed and reaped
I cried and laughed, I was happy and sad but never did I see
What I always saw, The Opposites. Turn by turn, I let go and I hold on.
Nowhere to be seen, unless I want to see it, the way it really works.
Spinning this wheel of confusion in harmony, I sailed, motionless.

When you are not around

Every second chases to be
A minute, then an hour
When you are not around
Never feel, felt or felt like
Saying a word
Gaped, eyes wide open
When you are not around
Frozen in mind and frame
Stood, stood and stood
Now and then
Round and round
Not a slightest of sound
Just the breath
Moving in and out
When you are not around
Still felt that morning chill
The vast expanse
Hovering on my head
Everything so comfortably numb
Your absence like vacuum
Momentum draws my attention
Just to realize all is still
When you are not around
Smiled in defeat
I got back to the same old
Grind of my mind

Times are changing

Times are changing
Slow, rapid, in motion
Hardly can wait
To see it happening
Stood with a lamp
To get lit, and all
Times are changing
Blinded by all of it
Take a step maybe
Maybe leaps & bounds
To travel endlessly
What is it?
You waiting
Beholding the inside
To step out
Times are changing
Seasons come and go
Flowers wither
Still stood
For a change
Times are changing
Holding a breath
Wanted, jolted
Tried to minimise
But what, no cure
Miracles are rare
Toss the numb
Times are changing
Within my arms
A chill, I miss
It takes
Just an embrace
Times are changing

Can you?

Life with all its inadequacies
Offers a helping hand
I refuse to break or bend
Hardly want to mend my ways
Is there a need to plead?
She said in disgust
I hear nothing
Can you?

Invincible

Looking up to the sky
I keep walking towards the moon
With a twinkle in my eye
Certain to make it someday
If not the circular moon
At least to the conical stars
Trying to align myself to the nook and corner
Shedding off my clothes of understanding
Digging deep the plane of innovation
Kicking off the tears rolling down my cheeks
Tearing up myself to be a whole
Unlocking the locks of my mind
Will make it to the door of my heart
Given all the faith
All the convictions with which I glide
Into the arms of the quintessence
A passionate endeavor, you see
Seems like astray, the way that I chose
Gazing at the ups and downs
Stood tall in poise with elegance
Giving way to every stone that came my way
Having stepped on them
I would have missed the mystic moon
Calling out to me, willingly
Racing against the wind and the breeze
I follow the light within me
Can’t relate to the darkness around
How good can the terrible be to you?
The power of being yourself, dawned on to me
Sharing the peace within silence
Feeling every beat of my heart
Looking for a reason to my being
Enchanted by the rhythm of asymmetry
I keep walking towards the moon

This or That

The drop of mist on your face makes you look splendid, someone I would adore all my life and there is something about you that draws me closer to you that I can not explain, I can’t hold back my feelings for you, I can’t easily conceal my inhibition from you but all that I can possibly do is to let things be the way they are, I can make an effort to get out from this whole feeling of adoration just to realize that it is not the first step to love but just a mere attraction towards you that will change as time goes and then perhaps I will find a new face that draws my thought and there again I go down in the same trap of desires, hopes, and dreams that will keep chasing until I find you to whom I am not attracted because of the way you look but there is a bit about you that makes me feel special and wanted thus I fall for you hoping that you never part ways with me and you will be by my side all my life.

The gift of Abundance

Never acknowledged
This gift - plethora
Unnoticed like the depth
Of the dark nights
Eyes closed, you sail
So used to seeing
That is visible to your eyes
How can one wake you?
As you pretend
Asleep, is that so
It comes natural to see
You never learnt that, did you?
The herd follows the shepherd
Dare to raise a brow, a step ahead
Get classified and shun yourself
To that corner
So as to dawn on you
That you don’t belong
Here, this place
Forget to see
If not here then there
You can reside
You seek few
What about the rest
Exists a plethora
Need to look
Beyond
Imagine beyond
Instead of harping
That same old tune
Where do they belong?
Me, you, us, them
Stop and push yourself
The river of abundance awaits you
Next time, I wont have to say
I beg to differ
Would you respect if I differ?